Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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