i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
