I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
