Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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