Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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