So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
