evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
