I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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