I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize