its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm too high and old for this...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
