Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
