i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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