We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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