you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
