White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
