a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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