I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
