accomplished twins. life is a go
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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