help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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