Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
