Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
