Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
