I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
