that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
