The maid of honor just puked.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its about making memories worth repressing
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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