While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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