I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
