I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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