We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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