The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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