You just made me feel so damn special
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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