I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
