Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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