i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
