No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
