I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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