belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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