Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
