There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
