So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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