A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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