am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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