I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize