My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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