It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
