i was born a porn star she said
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
