In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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