you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
