So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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