was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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