operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
