No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
