He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
