Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
