A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
