I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
