the condom got lost in my hair
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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