Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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