I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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