i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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