Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
