I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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