I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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