Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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