Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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