I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
