Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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