Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
