i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
