Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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