Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
