i permit you to call me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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