I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
