You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
