Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
