Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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